she's not the one?

No, it's good, why put me in this position now.

play with fire, get burnt.

free thinking time

Over a few days , I was thinking about you and I, and this is what I thought.

I want to buy you a bouquet of flowers.
I want to cuddle up and watch a movie with you.
I want to go out and have a nice dinner with you.
I want to have you lean on me when we're seated.
I want to drive you to watch planes take off and land.
I want to cook breakfast for you and serve it to you when you wake up, half asleep, and watch you slowly smile.
I want to share a packet of Famous Amos with you in front of a fountain in the evening.
I want to drive you to the top of some hill and watch the stars and the city with you.
I want to provide for you.

Also, over a few days, I understood. Understood that this isn't what you want. Not now, probably not ever. And as it seems, its probably not what the big Guy upstairs wants either. I talked to a few and I learnt that I must learn to love. Then I realised that I hadn't wanted to do two things. Firstly, I hadn't been close to God himself. Nor have I been putting the effort, that had to change. Secondly I hadn't wanted to just plainly be friends with you.

I hope I can change. To both God above, and you below. Do my best. Leave it all to him, let my control go. Besides, we were great friends once, lets do that again.

sorry.

i'm really either an obnoxious arse, or a really self-pitiful person.

pathetic. grow up.

Had a nice chat with Victor last night. You know, one of those where I tell him quite a fair number of things, but he doesn't tell me anything because people seem to converge on our position when he's about to share.

Anyway he said a few things that reminded me that I was being silly. I mean, looking at it, it really is rather ridiculous. Sometimes I just don't think straight huh. Well, its been quite a year hasn't it. To follow the brain or the "heart". blablabal.

you and I, have issues.

So much I'll put here tomorrow.

"But Then Again, what do I know, I'm only 16"

same as always la.

stunning.

who was I trying to kid.

It was never anything more. Obviously I wouldn't think of being together, but it wasn't meant to be good friends either? Better friends? Don't know. Not supposed to care. Just another ant in the colony. Wish wish.

Keep my head up. I know what I must do.

I need something written down to remind me of my position and the thoughts I'm meant to have.

Firstly: Timothy, friends. That's all that's ever wanted. Not more than friends, not super good friends, not biased in any sense, no better than anyone else, just friends.

Secondly: accept him. You have no right to question his actions. You are not perfect. He is not perfect. Nobody is. Learn to love.

Lastly: Look to You. You picked this song for gracehaven. It speaks. Look to God. Do your QT more.

okay.

Don't read too hard; the Art of simplicity. Is it really this way? Your choice.

Entropy.

Its rather unbelievable someone your age acted the way you did. Come on, just move. Is this what the eastern society and culture is? Why can't we all get along together, why can't we show some compassion towards each others, why can't we be polite. I mean none of us are perfect, we all make mistakes, but we have to try right? Maybe its just a bad time for you.

We all need to learn to be nice with strangers; the innocence of kids. I like people who can smile at strangers and be courteous. Is it the eastern culture that brings on social degradation? Children can be such dears at times. Sometimes they aren't shy to make conversation with a stranger or even smile and wave at them, why can't adults share these same characteristics as children.

Maybe its just the timing. Maybe. We all must change; entropy and pain.

Oh.

Wow.

Hmm.

Yeah.

must learn to love.

amicus.

So, what is it exactly that you want from me?